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Honestly, Fuck It.

by Gatsby's Shipwreck

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1.
Straddling the line between One more day and I can’t move fast enough I was in a rush I was in a rut I’m not the kid I was yesterday Never mind yesteryear Coming to conclusions a bit too late (I’m not thinking clear) I’m not thinking straight (I’m not thinking clear) It’s coming to the conclusion I need someone to talk to Someone to listen when I get sad Cause in 6 more weeks, I’ll be nothing But a memory not built to last Promises were made Promises were made And when I die, bury me underneath the tree where you said “I love you first” If this doesn’t kill me, (Promises were made) You’ll be the first to know If this doesn’t kill me, (Promises were made) You’ll be the first to know All this time can't spent in vain (Promises were made) Cause we’re blood from the same vein All this time not spent in vain (Promises were made) Cause we’re blood from the same vein Promises were made Promises were made
2.
And it’s the constant thought That I’m not good enough That any second now would be the perfect time to die That I can’t make you happy Whenever I’m not happy Sometimes it’s the weakest man Who doesn’t dare to cry I’d be lying if I told you That I’m never scared to death That I’m never second rate Or even close to second best First things first, I don’t hate myself I just hate the current state My mind constantly reiterates Constantly reiterates It’s preferred to self deprecate these days And are you not entertained? You pay to see me croon on stage Whine and yell about my darker days Are you not at all enthralled?
Can’t you see I have the gall To claim I fucking know it all Call me out on things once or twice Make me pay the goddamn price Prove to me, pride comes before the fall Seasonally affected Is when my writing’s most effective Even though I rarely opt to leave my bed Caffeinated consciousness Fermented obnoxiousness Sedating any dark thought in my head Well here we are two years down the road I’m still scared of telephones Counting blessings, and sacrifices made So pack up the car, let’s hit the road We all somewhere to go Mine’s to wherever I won’t feel ashamed And are you not entertained? You pay to see me croon on stage Whine and yell about my darker days Are you not at all enthralled?
Can’t you see I have the gall To claim I fucking know it all Call me out on things once or twice Make me pay the goddamn price Prove to me, pride comes before the fall (The fall)
3.
I'dn't've 03:22
I’m still dulling my senses While remaining expressionless Consensus is the couch is a home I’m not blaming you for anything But I won’t admit my faults It’s a close call, it’s a close call But you can’t reside In the past you left behind And I know how it feels (to be lost, it’s not a crime) What ever happened to “I’m not asking you to take sides?” Rearranging more than bedsheets I’m losing sleep When you can’t afford your actions, You stop caring if talk is cheap It’s the feeling when you understand The chamber’s empty, sweet relief I was counting on you to kill me (to kill me) Disapointment’s not as scary As what happens you succeed The bottle can’t be empty, We’re still talking, aren’t we? As you led me to the front door A child learning to walk But you’re a crutch not a cane, Though they’re one in the same Labels mean everything I’ll take you on the rocks Instead of us taking shots On the carpeted floor of your basement “And when you wake up, I’ll be gone When you wake up, I’ll be gone These are the thoughts from the couch That will not leave your mouth So how do you plan on me to respond? And you can’t reside In the things you tried to hide You’ll talk about this on stage But not with whom you spend a bulk of your time I bet it’s lonely on the inside I bet there’s room for one more if you tried”
4.
I’m still putting whiskey in my coffee And doing pushups on the weekends I wonder what your sister’s wearing now I don’t feel guilty, or ashamed I don’t feel a shred of pride But regardless, we’re making out But I don’t have any dead friends Just those I don’t see much of nowadays Surviving in photographs And half-stale memories Haven’t been to a funeral in a year or two Maybe that’ll change in a year or two Will that be, and I’m not thinking this shit through? All your pictures didn’t burn But rather scarred into my retinas An illusion of what love really was these days But all your pictures didn’t burn But rather scarred into my retinas An illusion of what love really was I guess we’d call this coping I remembered your birthday, But you don’t want me to call you I remembered your birthday And you said you don’t want me to call I remembered your birthday And you said you don’t want me to call you I remembered your birthday You told your friends you don’t want me to call But I don’t have any dead friends Just those I don’t see much of nowadays Surviving in photographs And half-stale memories Haven’t been to a funeral in a week or two Maybe that’ll change in a year or two Will that be, and I’m not thinking this shit through? I’m still putting whiskey in my coffee And doing pushups on the weekends I wonder what your sister’s wearing now
5.
And she said “Look me in the eyes Say you didn’t mean to hurt me Or make me cry. The hardest part is knowing Someone thinks that you deserve this. The hardest part is knowing That you’re not on my side. Voicemails from the front seat Won’t cut it this time. I need to know that your face lines up with your words And I’m not asking for much Just a singular fuck Like you gave when we were playing boy meets girl.” And I said “Please avert your eyes.” I can’t let you see me like this Lazarus in disguise And the phantom of your hometown Who’s dying to come back and stay The ghost of who I used to be Who just had to get away Backstage barely beats your bedroom Or at least that’s what I’ll say on record (On record) You’re not asking for a lot Just to keep you in my thoughts As I’m watching the sunrise From the backseat of my car. So let’s chalk this one up To immaturity To not being cognizant of what you mean to me And there’s a dent in my pillow Where we used to tell our future There’s a chip In the door frame Where that’s no longer the case So tell me the truth Now I guess now my lies won’t do I’d rather spend these late nights driving Than to try to catch up to you Well, hey Mandy Do you remember Those nights on the front porch you said we’d forget? And we’re still making out In the corner of a party At a time that I’ll admit I should be in bed I should be in bed
6.
Well I need someone to talk to, I’m still on drugs I’m either as level headed as I’m gonna get Or I’m not stable enough And I need help I can finally admit that to myself Cause I’m scared to leave the couch I don’t care for much of anything else But I know, what it’s like to die though I stopped being scared of that When I turned 21 And sometime’s it feels like no one’s listening Except a dozen fans Lately it’s the decision between waking up Or watching the sun rise again But habit forming Is a fancy way of saying hard to ignore I never thought I’d be terrified Of the shapes that are supposed to fix me Well it’s 2AM now I guess the world’s finally asleep I’m still pacing around my kitchen Waiting for my thoughts to finally get me Well rest assured, I’m a changed man For better or bad They say that the first call should be to your lawyer The last one should be to your dad
7.
I’ve got my suitcase packed And my ticket purchased And there’s no going back To the August of sophomore year It’s the bottles I never finished Conversations we still have Self respect I was working towards Integrity we both lacked Before you close the door Ask me if it’ll be okay And it’s the afternoons on rooftops A pair of jeans I can’t ignore I won’t say what you wanna hear, But what I haven’t said before And you’ll say “I never meant to get so involved” And the words don’t hurt as much As knowing I made you cry “I never meant to get so involved” Before you walk away Can we at least say our goodbye?
“I never meant to get so involved” Are we a symptom of something bigger? A story whose chapters are already told A lie snowballing towards irrelevance Two lives putting each other on hold We’re a magnificent accident And I refuse to be stagnant We’re a magnificent accident And I refuse to be stagnant Well it’s the late nights on the weekends When you’d call me from your car Too high to even think, But drunk enough to let it get this far “Remember all those times we used to laugh?”
Sorry, now’s not the time to start grasping at straws “Remember all those times we used to laugh?” And if I hang up right now, Will you understand I’m gone?
“I miss all those times we used to laugh” Are we a symptom of something bigger? A story whose chapters are already told A lie snowballing towards irrelevance Two lives putting each other on hold We’re a magnificent accident And I refuse to be stagnant We’re a magnificent accident And I refuse to be stagnant Well it’s a different kind of death Where your world and theirs no longer intersect Well it’s a different kind of death Where your world and theirs no longer intersect Will you remember me as I was? (We’re a magnificent accident) And I’ll forget you as you are (And I refuse to be stagnant) Will you remember me as I was? (We’re a magnificent accident)
And I’ll forget you as you are (And I refuse to be stagnant)
8.
Cause you’re in a position to do a lot of damage Irreversible things I know you’d never do But my mind will never back down from a war And with 4 weeks left, what’s the worst we could do? And just 2 beers in, I’m smiling like we did a year ago You were my introduction to post modernism Because nothing of what you said meant fucking anything You always joked about liking beer, But couldn’t stand the taste of hops And it pisses me off that I remember that I literally don’t know how to feel about caring so much for a person Who was too afraid to admit that they fucked up the second they got to college As if change were bad I’m going off brand, as far as love goes, to something you couldn’t take home to mom or dad You lied about me, you lied to me And truth be told it hurts to hear that you think so low of yourself You’re a fucking treasure if you let yourself be I’m not gonna apologize for trying to make things work
I’ll apologize for not listening a third of the time We were never people to walk away from things that weren’t worth it Truth be told, I’m still arguing with myself whether we were worth it I’ll admit it, I wrote really angry songs about you Going from striving to be better for you To striving to be better than you We are competitive by nature And truth be told, by losing you, I think I fucking won But please don’t take these words as truth I think it all boils down to me being half-mad at myself For caring about you, despite having no reason to I am half-mad for thought that the lost conversation we had, And potentially will ever have, Was about weed, and selling yourself short Honest to God, I hope you find everything you’re looking for And honest to God, I hope it has nothing to do with me Congratulations, you’ve discovered immortality
9.
Wait, What? 02:25
I’m in trouble We aren’t who we were a year ago And I wonder The boy I was, did you let him go?
And I did not account for this That thrill would outweigh happiness And apologies, at this point, are overdue So let’s face facts I’m not a class act You’d be better off with someone new (Not someone that loves you) But I know what you’ll say “You’ve seen me at my worst days You’re not giving up much By taking me on” But I’ll be fine Once I leave my old self far behind And maybe next year I’ll find happier words to write Put this on repeat Cause you mean the world to me And I’m done dancing around that issue And that’s why I had to leave

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released September 15, 2015

All songs written and recorded by Gatsby's Shipwreck
Additional Vocals: Raika Nuñez
Recorded and mastered at Silk City Music Factory in Manchester, CT in July 2015, by producer, Phil Mann.
Album Art by Casey McKenna

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Gatsby's Shipwreck Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The tallest punk band on earth

PA

Photo by Jordy Lyric

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